I'm Great! Now Leave Me Alone!

For those of you readers who are just now tuning in to any of my writings about Sweetie, there's something important you need to know...

Sweetie is always "great!"

As in, you ask the average person you happen to greet on any particular day how they are and you will most likely get something like an "I'm fine" response. But if you were to ask Sweetie that same innocuous question, she will undoubtedly tell you, "I'm great!"

Hubby and I have no idea where she ever got this. She's been saying this for as long as she could talk. We certainly didn't teach her this. It's just a Sweetie thing. Sweetie is great. Always.

Even when sick, it's not unlike Sweetie to still tell you she's great... just maybe not with as much as enthusiasm as other times.

And to the uninitiated, Sweetie's greatness always seems to be a big thrill to the person who asked her condition in the first place. Great? You're great? That's great!

But to me... yeah, sure, it's super cute and very positive and totally optimistic. But, you know, a person just realistically can't be that great all of the time. Tell me your true feelings. Let me know what's going on with you. You are not required to be great all the time. In fact, I'd rather you not be. It feels too automatic to me.

The average person's "I'm fine" is definitely an automatic response. But fine is.... well, fine. Not great, not terrible. Just fine. Nothing to draw attention to. Fine. But if you're going to tell someone you're great? Well, then. You better have some evidence behind that to back up your extreme claim.

I'm just sayin'...

Today, my suspicions that Sweetie's greatness is, at least sometimes, a cover up, were proven. We were on our way to my in-laws after church to celebrate an Easter brunch with the family. During the children's activity at church, where the kids were making masks out of paper plates, Sweetie accidentally stabbed two of her fingers with scissors, cutting herself pretty badly. But by the time we were off to Grammy and Grampy's, she was pretty well calmed down, doctored up and trying to regain composure.

In the car, I was talking with Sweetie about the possibility of family asking her how she's feeling... not so much about the injury she just gave herself, but about her recent Lyme diagnosis. Having witnessed Sweetie get a bit snippy snappy with me and others in recent weeks when asked how she is, I wanted her to be prepared for these type of questions, to realize that people were just concerned and possibly ill-informed about what it feels like to have Lyme, and to simply answer any such questions politely and simply.

To this, Sweetie - much more concerned at the moment with her finger injuries than anything else - asked her Daddy and me a very interesting question. She wondered if it would be okay if, when people asked her if she was okay, could she answer, "Kind of."

Basically, she was asking our permission to give an answer other than "I'm great!"

"Of course you can say that!" we told her. And, in talking with her a bit more on this subject, she admitted she'd like to give the "kind of" answer so as to not make a big deal out of her injuries. So that people would leave her alone.

Aha! I see!

As I said, Sweetie has at times within the last several weeks been pretty snippy with me if I dare ask her how she is. "I'm fine, mom!" or, of course, "I'm great!" are the exasperated responses I tend to get from her. Sure. You look really tired. You're very clingy/whiney. You just said a little while ago that your tummy hurt or you had a slight headache. But okay, if you say your great, you're great. I'll leave you alone.

And another thing... at our church, there's always a time toward the beginning of each service called "Joys and Sorrows" - a time where you can go up to share a joy, sorrow or concern with the rest of the congregation. Since getting Sweetie's official Chronic Lyme diagnosis, I've really felt like this is something I'd like to share with the congregation. To have them all be aware and to have their thoughts and prayers supporting us just feels to me like something I'd like behind us. Even thought I hate public speaking. Even though it literally scares me to go up and say anything to them all. Even though I don't ever get up to share joys or concerns... this time, it just feels right.

BUT... I informed Sweetie that I was wanting to do this last week just before church began. She forbade me to do it. Insisted I not get up. She, a Sweetie who herself has no problem getting up in front of everyone and sharing her own joys every now and then. But, no. Not this concern/sorrow. We shall not speak of this. Promise you won't, Mom.

I promised. That time. But today I asked her again if I could share. No. You promised. Don't do it.

Fine.

If I wasn't clear on it before, I do see now exactly where she's coming from. With all of it. Her exasperation with my questions. Her not wanting our church congregation to publicly know. Her constant state of greatness, no matter what.

She doesn't want anyone to make a big deal out of it. She doesn't want anyone to see her any differently than her usual "great!" And, admittedly, most of the time she is feeling what us mere mortals would label as "fine." So basically, she's just wanting to uphold her status quo and be left the heck alone!

All this is well and good. I get where she's coming from, for sure. But Hubby and I have told her in recent days that he and I will probably be asking her more often how she's feeling, either because she's acting differently or looking like she's not feeling well, and we just want to be sure everything's okay. At the same time, we told her that she needs to be honest with Daddy and I about how she's feeling. With everyone else, she can be "great." But with Daddy and I - or whichever adult is caring for her at the time - she needs to share if she's feeling anything less than that. We want to know if she has a headache or stomach ache or is super tired or whatever. We need to know. With us, you can be yourself - great or not. And we can help try to make it better.

You are the greatest, Sweetie. No doubt about that! Daddy and I just want to be sure, if maybe you're not feeling your best from time to time, that we're aware and can do everything in our power to bring you back to where you should be... absolutely GREAT!