The Dance

We're done, we're done!!!

(ahem)

I mean, she's done, she's done!!!

Her latest doctor's appointment ended with the decision for Sweetie to come off the antibiotics now. Now? Now. Right now? Right now. Done. No more antibiotics.

Okay, then. Yay!

But now what?

On to the herbal supplement! In Sweetie's case, that means Artemisia. A supplement that's excellent in the fight against, of all things, malaria. But the doctor said that malaria and Lyme have one important thing in common. Both, as I understand it, develop cell walls around themselves, hiding themselves against antibiotics. But the Artemisia can get through. The Artemisia is out to kill!

Kill, baby, kill!

On her new regimen, Sweetie need only take one Artemisia pill at bedtime, and her probiotics are cut to once a day as well. Better yet, the Artemisia and the probiotics don't interfere with each other as the probiotics and antibiotics did. She doesn't have to worry about spacing out these 2 products for maximum effectiveness. Yee haw! This just keeps getting better and better!

In actual application, though? A pill is a pill is a pill is a pill. I still make sure Sweetie takes her immune support gummy bear every morning. We still make sure she takes her probiotic at dinner time, along with another gummy. And we still have her take another pill at bedtime - the Artemisia. So really - same song, different notes.

And then, really... after all the excitement settled down, (yay! you made it through the antibiotics stage!) we really had to realize what the doctor's truly getting at here. The actual situation shows that she's not pulling Sweetie off the antibiotics because Sweetie really is "done" with them. No, it's more like she's pulling Sweetie off the antibiotics because Sweetie's body is telling us that her body is done with the antibiotics. Sweetie's body is revolting after 6 months. It can't take it anymore! Headaches and tummy troubles and nausea, oh my! It's time to give that body a bit of a break and try to fight with a new weapon. That is all.

Throw in my own little post-appointment Google search of what exactly Artemisia is... and I get nowhere near a sense of finality of my Sweetie's troubles. Turns out that Artemisia, yes, is excellent for fighting malaria. Aannndddd.... maybe not exactly Lyme so much as Babesia, a co-infection of Lyme.

Awesome. So now it may be that Sweetie doesn't only have Lyme Disease, but - given that she's kind of stagnating - she may in fact have this co-infection as well. Or another one! Let's try the Artemisia and see what happens!

(No, I'm not picking on her doctor. I'm just back to playing the roll of the frustrated mom who's trying to figure out, along with the doctor, what's going on with Sweetie. But at least this time I actually am confident in her doctor that, one way or another, we'll all figure it out. At least in time.)

So here we are, with Sweetie now on the herbal supplement for a week now. And I'm waiting. Waiting for the big Herx. The doctor said that, with the switch to the supplement, Sweetie may experience a strong Herx reaction. Alrighty, then! Bring it on!

And still we wait.

So far so good. No problems! Her belly feels good. No headaches. All is well. We've even taken to the habit of asking her nightly if she's still remembering what "art" is (artemisia. Art amnesia. Heh. We're funny.) Happy to report that, all things considered, this has so far been one smooth transition.

But, oh ho ho! Is no reaction, in fact, actually a good thing here? Just like when she started on antibiotics, shouldn't she have to experience a Herx reaction to show that something's working here? To prove that the supplement is killing what needs to be killed? Hmmm....

And so... On to the next phase, if for no other reason than Sweetie's body demands it. It will be good and interesting to see what positive changes come about from no more antibiotics coursing through her body. And we wait to see what, if anything, happens to her while on the Artemisia. Will anything happen? What if it doesn't? It means no Babesia, right? Probably? Maybe? I don't know. But if not that, what? How do you ever know, with Lyme or any of the co-infections, when you've got it licked? Is it ever licked?

I will say, upon lamenting to the doctor that I too felt Sweetie was "done" being on antibiotics and that I felt only the worst cases of Lyme were on meds for 6 months or so, she said "no." She has patients who have been on antibiotics for 3 years! So 6 months is really not bad.

Not so bad. Not so good. One step forward, two steps back. Two steps forward, one step back. The dance goes on.

Same Ol' Situation

Oops. It's been a long time since I wrote. I apologize. Truly, I do.

Since last we spoke...

Sweetie had that doctor's appointment I spoke of in my last post. And, just as I suspected would happen, she prescribed that Sweetie stay on the antibiotics "another 6 weeks... at least" because of the August tick possibly-a-bite-maybe-it-wasn't-we-don't-know incident. Yay. Yes, I knew that was going to be what she'd say. But, no, I'm not thrilled to have my daughter still on this medication. Now into a 6th month. Joy.

We go back in early October to see how we progress from there. To tell you the truth, I honestly don't know what I hope for anymore with this.

On the one hand - yes, once upon a time Sweetie was bit by a tick, resulting in Lyme Disease. She was treated. Perhaps not long enough? Perhaps not effectively enough in the dosage? Perhaps both? But, at the time, she felt better. Great! All better.

Then, after a few months off the antibiotics, she began to become ill. Vomiting. Approximately once a month or so. Not much else to it. Just vomiting. After which, she felt pretty much better within a few hours. Back to herself. Ooookkaaaayyyy. And then the next month would come around with the same thing. Weird. Not right. Not entirely detrimental to the way she lived the rest of her days. But a weird, regular blip in her everyday lifestyle that had to mean something was not as it should be. Seriously.

Cut to us finally getting her on board with a Lyme literate doctor, getting proper testing done, and some properly dosed long term antibiotics in her system, and... she's good. No more vomiting. That's the biggest, most noticeable difference. But, honestly, she'd stopped vomiting after a February incident. I believe we started going to her new doctor in late March. Not starting the meds, I think, until April. So it could be that we started the meds just timely enough to catch what would have been another sick day. Who knows. But at any rate, there's no more vomiting. Beyond that, it's really hard to pinpoint many specifics about Sweetie being "just not right." Other than her tired, pale look. But, you know, she's growing up. Her looks are changing anyway. Maybe she's entering an awkward stage in her development where she's not as little-girl-cute as she used to be and we're mistaking her "developing" look as a "sick" look. I don't know. I know I was no cutie pie in my tween years. It's pretty subjective, is what I'm saying. But the vomiting - yes, she was definitely doing that.

And then one day in early summer she just turned "on." I mean, the chatterbox came back. The giggling, play wrestling, can't-sit-still ball of energy girl came back. "Oh," we said. "This is how she used to be. Yay! We have our Sweetie back!" But, seriously, until we saw her "come back," we really didn't notice that she'd ever been gone. It's not like before this she'd been overly sleepy. Or complaining that she was too tired to do this or that. She just was doing more calm things. Playing Legos. Doing crafts. Watching TV. But those have always been the types of things she likes best to do anyway. We just didn't think anything of the way she'd been quietly behaving. Great! She's a good, well-behaved, peaceful little girl. Just the way we it.

But the energy, it did come back. Yes, she still loves Legos and crafting and watching TV. But just in the way she communicates, laughs, and moves. She's just "more" now. And that's a great thing.

All this to say... 6 months on antibiotics. Possibly more. That just seems a little extreme to me for a girl who's "only" real obvious issue was cyclical vomiting. I mean, I've read the horror stories. Lyme patients in bed for weeks - months! So tired that even getting up to go to the bathroom is a majorly exhausting event that sends them right back to bed for another several hours. People so sore that they can't even blink without feeling the effects. These are the people that are on 6 months or more worth of treatment. These are the people - the very worst cases - that can find no other relief but to stay on antibiotics for month after month after month. But Sweetie? All she was doing was throwing up! She was a bit pale and a bit tired looking, but not really tired acting. Surely she'd be all good after, at most, 3 or 4 months of treatment. This 6 months stuff - well, it's just gone on too long, hasn't it?!

Of course, I do have a child who tells anyone who ever asks her, at any moment, that she's "great!" A child who does not, will not, admit to any ailments of any type. She had swimmer's ear a few weeks ago. I've had swimmer's ear! It HURTS! I mean, it really, really hurts! But Sweetie? She'd tell us once a day, at first, then a few more times a day over the course of almost a week, "Ow! My ear hurts." But then the pain at that exact moment would pass and she'd be back to good. And, given that she's on antibiotics, we figured that of course she can't possibly have an ear infection! It took us days, is what I'm saying, and a particularly bad instance of middle-of-the-night ear pain to finally realize that, well, she could have swimmer's ear. Duh! And then, just last weekend, she sounded a bit stuffy. But when I asked her about it, she said she wasn't. Her nose was just a bit runny, that's all, she said. By that evening, though, after seeing her blow her nose several times, I offered her some cold medicine before she went to bed. "No! Why would I need medicine?" - "Because you're sick." - "I'm not sick! I just have a runny nose and a headache." Okaaaayyy... 

So, you see... This is what we live with. I feel like I can never give her doctor an honest answer for how Sweetie's been, because Sweetie never tells me. And if you ask Sweetie directly, you're just told that "I'm great!" Maybe she has been suffering more greatly than we know! But, sure as shooting, she plugs away at life to the best of her ability and no way no how will you ever see her "sweat."

In fact, the closest I've gotten recently to knowing of real health issues with her is when Sweetie nearly broke down in tears in my car on the way to a sleepover at her Nana's. She started by saying she doesn't know why she doesn't ever like to tell anyone she doesn't feel well. She just doesn't. But, as she would be away from home overnight, she was a bit concerned for herself and her belly. Turns out, 6 months on antibiotics will make your intestines act in undesirable ways. And she was just afraid of how she'd be feeling overnight and what extra items she may need that she'd not packed for herself. (In the end, this was the night of the terrible middle-of-the-night earache. Her belly was fine. But Nana and Sweetie spent a good couple hours, at least, up in the wee hours trying to bring the ear pain down.)

So, there's that. I'm now able to keep track of how her belly's feeling.... if I ask. Cuz' lord know's she'd not saying anything more. At least she's answering my questions. Or, I should say, she gives me the "thumbs up" or some alternative gesture depending on how things are going on any particular day.

But on the other hand (remember? We had the first hand waaaay up above) I really don't know. She still looks tired to me. Still with the paleness and dark eyes. But not all the time. Yeah, I think her energy is still up, but I don't know. Like I said, she still likes to play Legos and do crafts - calm activities - whether energetic or not. And - 6 months on antibiotics! I know about Lyme! It hides. It gets "used to" an antibiotic. It "goes away"/shields itself for the duration of a course of medication. Then, when that's done, it comes back out to party. So, while I find 6+ months extreme for the relatively minor symptoms Sweetie was displaying, I have no clue at all if we've "got it." If she's "cured." If she'll ever be cured. I just. don't. know.

But, we go back. We see the doctor again. She advises what she thinks is the best next step for Sweetie. We wait and see what we're going to do.

For now, it's all the same as it's ever been. We're in such a routine now that I tell you, when she is off the antibiotics, I think we'll all feel like something is missing from our lives.

I'd just love, love, love if I could say with any certainty at all that the thing that's missing is Lyme.

Tick Magnet

I admit it. I am a woman of extremes. Especially emotionally speaking. I am either completely at peace, totally in a "go with the flow" attitude. Or - I am completely freaking out, worried about everything, thinking the world is surely going to come to an end over such and such issue.

As you can imagine, I prefer to stay in the peaceful frame of mind as much as I possibly can. This can be tricky at times, but I do do my best to remain "chill" about as much as I can.

When it comes to ticks and Lyme Disease - woo, boy! Is that ever a topic of great extremes for me! Given all I've learned about Lyme over the last year - let me tell you, I have a whole arsenal of information to scare the living daylights out of anyone! Lyme can be a very scary thing. And here we have Sweetie, diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease. Awesome. Let the freaking out begin - and not let up.

Except, as pointed out in my last post, it does let up. Get your kid with the right doctor, on the right medicine for the right length of time, and you start to see improvement. All seems pretty well again, pretty much of the time.

And honestly... as far as tick checking goes... even someone like me gets a little lazy. Things are on an upswing! I can tell she's feeling better (even though my kid rarely admits the opposite.) And besides - she's 9 1/2 years old! She is completely capable of checking for ticks herself! We remind her to do so... every once in awhile. Uh... when we think about it. Probably not enough. Yeah, definitely not enough. And I do check her out too! I do! Just not constantly. When I think about it. Which, really, it's kind of a really great relief for me to NOT be thinking about ticks and Lyme as much as I was, say, in the Spring.

Besides - if she were to get bit again by a tick, now is pretty much the optimal time for that, seeing as how she's on longterm antibiotics anyway. She couldn't possibly get reinfected with Lyme now, while being actively treated for it! Right?!

And also? Sweetie tends to spend most of her time inside.

No, it's really not a good thing. Kids should be outside, right? But I am, in a way, pretty grateful that Sweetie tends to be what I'd call an "indoor kid." Wanting more to stay inside and play with her Legos or stuffed animals, or watch a few episodes of Rocky and Bullwinkle & Friends from our DVD collection. She does crafts, draws out entire plans for new websites she wants to create, works on jigsaw puzzles, plays on the computer or on her DS. She keeps herself busy, rarely complaining of boredom.

It all works out pretty well for me, as I'm not what I'd call an "outdoor mom." I'll read, write, watch TV, get chores done, play on the computer, cross stitch, work on puzzles... that sort of thing. It's too hot or too cold outside, depending on the season, for me. I'll stay in the house, thank you very much.

So, the two of us, we get on pretty well together. During this summer when I have occasional days off from work each week, she and I do okay together. Well, apart/together lots of the time, doing whatever it is we desire inside the cool, comfy house.

But then there are days like yesterday where we, along with Daddy, spend a full day doing outdoor types of things. Yesterday, it was geocaching. Most Daddy involved activities, in fact, are centered around geocaching - a completely outdoor, mostly woods-based activity. And so there we were yesterday, from 8 a.m. until 4 p.m., trekking around the area's wooded areas, involved in various International Geocaching Day events.

By the time we made it home, after stopping for some necessary grocery shopping, we were all beat. Sweetie had definitely had the most "exciting" day out of the 3 of us, complete with a dramatic splat into a large, slippery puddle on patio slate tiles. Impressive that, 4 bandaids and soaking wet clothes later, she still wanted to tough it out and stay for the ending event's gathering.

So we're home, groceries unpacked, Daddy in the shower while Sweetie and I settled in to read for a bit. When Sweetie, distracted from her book (as much as I hate to admit it, she is decidedly not the reader - as both Hubby and I are), sticks her fist in my face and demands to know, "What's that? Is that a tick?! I can't get it off."

At first, no, I didn't think it was anything more than a teeny, tiny speck of dirt. No surprise there, given the conditions of the day and the conditions of Sweetie's puddle tumble. I tried to swipe it away, but it didn't budge. I looked closer. Well... maybe? Sweetie went to get tweezers and I asked her to bring me the magnifying glass too. With tools in hand, I successfully got it off her, easily. I placed it on my own back of the hand (yeah - I know - not the smartest move, Sherlock) and finally took as close a look at this mysterious speck as I could with the magnifier. Yep. It was almost undetectable, but this thing was moving, slowly but surely. And, yep, there I could see it's teeny, tiny legs.

This, my friends, was a tick.

Using the tweezers, I got it off me and squooshed it to death, finally rinsing it down the drain. When Hubby came out of the bathroom, I let him know what we'd found. It was on the back of Sweetie's hand. I didn't think it had bitten her. Hubby agreed, imagining that it was still on it's journey to a warm, dark body party where it could feed, when we found it and snatched it up.

After this, I did a thorough check of Sweetie, and Hubby and I looked over ourselves as best we could too. But even so, this whole experience brought up and reinstated some really deep concerns for me.

1) This particular tick was TINY! So even with regular tick checks - had we been doing them all along and even last night's actual check - it is HIGHLY probable that a tick or 2 or 3 or 90! could have been missed. Especially in hair. I can check all I want. I could be the best tick checker ever! I may find one. But it seems to me that, even so, I will inevitably miss several.

2) Sweetie actually is the one who found this tick on her. I wasn't doing a tick check on her. I probably wouldn't have done a tick check on her last night. Too tired from the day. Just don't think about it. Her fall injuries had been properly cleaned and bandaged, and she's not yet at an age where she needs to take a bath everyday. So even without a tick check, as a general rule she's not washing daily to rinse away what we don't see.

3) Sweetie found the last tick we saw on her too - not us. We thought that last tick was the tick that set her world upside down (and she had been inside all that day - by the way.) But from what we've learned from her doctor and the testing, it was most likely a tick previous to that one that bit her and gave her the Lyme. What is it with ticks and Sweetie?! As far as I know, I've never been bit by a tick. Hubby, who is regularly out in the woods, geocaching, more than any of us, has just been bitten the one time at the end of May. But Sweetie now has had at least 3 incidents of ticks on her. Granted, this one last night was not a bite. But still... had she not found it on herself, it would have crawled somewhere and dug right in!

And now, here we are, about a week away from finishing Sweetie's 5 month course of antibiotics. We go see her doctor on Tuesday. Of course, I'm going to let her know about this latest incident. I just hope this turn of events doesn't mean Sweetie's in it for another 28 days of meds before she moves on to the next stage in her treatment program.

It is what it is, and it has to be what it has to be. But she's been doing so well and I want to see her move on to the next stage. I'm hoping our little Tick Magnet has not just set her treatment back to more of the same old thing.

And it's not like keeping her inside can save her from the ticks!

And it's not like doing regular tick checks will ensure we find ticks anyway!

And - furthermore - when Sweetie is feeling unwell, like she was on Friday (sore throat, mild fever, general ickiness) - we can never be certain, it seems to me, that this is a "Lyme-based illness" or a "real" illness (meaning contagious. Actually the flu, for instance.) (I am not in the least insinuating that symptoms of Lyme Disease are not "real.")

Aannnndddd.... School's about to start again. Yippee! Bring on the sicknesses! Is it a cold? Is it the flu? Or is it Lyme? Who knows?! Whee!

Aaannnndddd.... here I go with the swing up to my "freaking out" mode.

Yippee, yippee, skippy.

Don't Forget to Worry!

Ha! Telling me don't forget to worry is like telling Katy Perry don't forget to wear her spinning peppermint bra.

That said... huh... I kind of did stop worrying about Sweetie.

She's been good! She's been energetic. She's been squirmy, hyper, talkative and crazy. She's been herself. What a wonderful sight to see!

So, Sweetie's back to herself and... I'm sorry to say our "restricted diet" for Sweetie (no grains, no sugars) has, in many ways, slipped back to its old self as well. Not that we were ever bad eaters! Many of Sweetie's favorite foods are fruits and veggies, and she counts fish and a certain tahini veggie stir fry dish we make as some of her very favorite foods. And she's not really a snacker. But still...

We're running low on groceries, can't get to the store, and find that we still have some pasta in our pantry. Eh, let's have that. Look at that! Sweetie did fine!... Wow, it's hot! Sun tea time of year. Sweetie loves sun tea! A spoonful of sugar isn't so bad to add to that... Now we have a family gathering to attend. A buffet. Well, just do the best you can. You really want that roll, huh? Yeah, sure. I guess. And, she's fine... Well, we had pasta last week and nothing bad happened. We're home late and that's an easy dinner. Let's do it again. Well, that went well enough... Friends are coming over and the easiest thing to feed them is to order pizza. Eat the pizza, it's okay for today. But we really do need to get you back to your good diet.

Not to mention Hubby... remember Hubby?... and his diagnosis of Lyme in mid-June. A diagnosis that landed him a 28 day course of doxycycline. A premature diagnosis that, when the blood test came back, proved "wrong," in that the Lyme test was negative. Ha! Those silly Lyme tests and their bad rep for false responses. At least the doctor recognized this and suggested that, if the doxy was helping to make Hubby feel better, he should consider staying on the antibiotics for the full course. Yes, I said. You will be staying on the doxy. No doubt about that. BUT... the doxy, it made him nauseous. Almost constantly queazy. And so, his response... soda. Soda every day. A lot. It settles the stomach, don't you know. Yeah, but... I'm pretty sure soda is no way, no how even remotely allowed to be anywhere near our "no sugars" diet. By a long shot! Yeah, but... the tummy, it turns. A lot.

And so, Hubby slipped. Sweetie slipped. I slipped. We are a very slippery family, we are. But, no... it is not a good thing, for any of us.

And, like I said, we really do have to get you, Sweetie, back to your good diet. You've been good so far with the bad things you've eaten recently. But you've been lucky. You never know when something could bother you again. You've been feeling good... we've gotta keep you that way!

But, then again, Hubby's working really late tonight. I've got to feed you dinner. There's the last of this left over pizza here. Can you eat 3 pieces of the small cheese? That's a lot for you... Okay, here it is... Good! It's gone.

A few hours later... Sweetie's laying on me calmly as we watch TV. None of her usual fidgeting, chatting or craziness. And she seems to be covertly holding her tummy... She wants to go to bed before one of her favorite stay-up-late TV show treats is over.... She selects Love Bug from her stuffed animal collection to sleep with, a friend I know she only chooses when she's not feeling well.

What's the matter, Sweetie? Are you feeling okay?

(nothing)

What's wrong? Does your stomach hurt?

(nod of the head)

It feels like I either should get up and do something really active, or I'm really hungry.

(????)

Okay, so I didn't quite understand her explanation of how her stomach felt, but I completely understood why her stomach would be bothering her. Oh, yeah! You have Lyme! Your stomach bothering you is your Lyme "thing." I remember this! You're getting better, but doggone it if the Lyme most likely is still with you. At least a little bit. As we've learned, Lyme - once it's late state - is incredibly tricky, if not impossible, to rid from the body completely. And, you ate that pizza tonight. And all the other junk in the last weeks. And you really need to be eating well. No grains. No sugars. This is our big reminder.

This is what I forgot. Or almost forgot. I needed this reminder. Sweetie needed this reminder. Ever vigilant is how we must remain.

Vigilant. That's a good word. Not this worrying crap. I don't need to worry. Not about this, anyway. Let me tell you, I have a whole boat load of other issues I can spend my time worrying about, don't you worry. Not for me, anyway. I am a worrying pro!

But not about this. No need to worry about her. I just need to remember to stay vigilant. Remember that she's doing so well because we're doing so well! Never forgetting her antibiotics or probiotics. And maintaining a healthy, anti-inflammatory diet for her.

For the most part. Oops.

It's been great to have Sweetie back. We're back to the healthy kid she'd always been. Or, at least - for all outward appearances - she seems healthy. But the truth is, the Lyme is always there, lurking. She can keep it well enough at bay. She can truly feel back to her old self again for extended periods of time. She just has to work a little harder, eat a little better, to strengthen her healthiness and weaken the Lyme.

Sweetie's body is her house. And you, Mr. Lyme/Mr. Neighbor, are to stay out of her yard and mind your own business! You don't worry about Sweetie, and we won't worry about you.

But don't you forget, we're watching you!

Wading Through The Weeds

Sweetie has been doing a lot of wishing lately.

Wishing there was nothing in the world to make people sad, only wanting happiness.

Wishing there was nothing in the world to make people hurt and in pain.

Wishing there was something that would automatically weed the garden so she didn't have to do such a boring, hot and sweaty job herself.

Well, I don't know about the weeding aspect of her recent dreamings. But as for her other wishes, I had to point some things out to her. 

I explained how she only knows what happiness feels like because she's felt so sad at times. And she knows how great it is to be free of pain, injury and suffering because she's had a few accidental incidences of being injured and in pain. 

I just finished reading a novel that smatters it's pages with various Yiddish folklore and cultural beliefs. The book ends with the story of a child yet to be born. In the Yiddish culture, it is believed that unborn babies live in paradise and are taught all about everything - history, culture, art, their families, everything. They eat art, drink books, and bathe in emotions. Then, just before they're born, they are smacked on the nose and sent to their parents - without any memory of the paradise they came from nor what they learned. It it within your life on earth that you regain what you can of your previous knowledge and truly come to appreciate the beauty and abundance the physical world has to offer. 

I loved this story. Particularly the part where the unborn child was spending his days bathing in Love. He, and the other unborns, loved their Love Baths and never wished to leave them. Then the guardian of the unborn child - a family member who had lived his physical life and was now aiding future family members before their births - made him bathe in the other waters. The sulfurous baths of Envy and Hate, the cold baths of Loneliness and the smothering waters of Depression, to name just a few. Then, after all that, the unborn was taken back to the bath of Love. Oh, how much more lovely this felt now, after knowing how the others felt by contrast! What a better appreciation of love!

I read this story just today. It was a week or two ago - well, it's been "wishes" here and there for awhile now - where I suggested to Sweetie that she only knew the one emotion because she had felt their opposites. Imagine! Everyone walking around happy all the time! But would they really be happy? How would they know they're happy if they didn't have sadness and pain as a contrast? You can't appreciate how great it is to feel so good if you haven't been on the other end of the spectrum, now can you? 

So, I'm sorry, Sweetie, that sometimes we take you away from things that make you so happy. I'm sorry that accidents occur and you fall down and scrape your knee or cut your hand. I'm so sorry that sometimes you just feel so sick and that a teeny tiny little bug has done its worst to you, making you now feel yucky and causing you to be on lots of medicine for a long time. I really think it's awful that nightmares creep into your dreams every once in awhile, waking you from your sleep and making it difficult for you to go back to bed and scared as you lie there wishing for the bad memories to leave you alone. I'm sorry that people we love have to die, have to leave this world as we know it. Yes, we will miss them. It's true, it will certainly be sad that we can't have new experiences with them, no more memories in the making. 

But oh how glad am I that you know such great joy, peace and happiness in this world! You know what it feels like to be truly, deliciously happy. You have no doubt at all about the love Daddy and I - all your family and friends! - feel for you, and you love us with such big, deep love right back. You see such goodness in people. You look out for the lonely, the different, and you take them under your wing. You create and play and try and try again - even though you know there's a risk you may fall. I love that you see our lost loved ones in the butterflies that flutter by and you can readily recognize that they are, truly, never gone from us as long as we remember them. Lost loved ones are still here, you say - just in a different way. I love your positive outlook on life and the strength you have, personally, to get through all the harder, yuckier times. You know they are temporary. You know life is much more happy than sad, more pain-free than full of suffering. And, most of all, you know exactly who you are and will not let anyone tell you how to play, how to feel, or what to think. You are plenty capable of making up your own mind and not worrying about what others think of that. 

You are, for the most part, so so happy. 

And I'm sorry - (but I'm not) - that you recognize just how happy, loved and great you are because you have also felt the other side.

It's a hard truth in this world. But it's a wonderful truth - don't you think? I for one hope to learn more from you, Sweetie. Appreciate the good, the love, the happy - for we know all too well that the sad, the suffering, the pain can creep in at any time.

And weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. 

One Up, One Down

Today was Sweetie's check up appointment with her LLMD. I was happy to report to her that Hubby and I have seen a definite spike in Sweetie's energy level. I told her all we've been doing lately, and about Sweetie's recent week of not feeling so great. I mentioned the "elbow pit" pain Sweetie had a couple weeks ago, the tightness in her chest she felt a few times in a week about a month ago, and - oh yeah - the fact that Sweetie reported to me right after her last appointment that she feels like throwing up every day! But all these negatives have passed her by, at least for now. And all in all, Sweetie has been dancing, moving, shaking, talking and alive! So good for us to see!

The doctor was happy to hear of this energy improvement, and took it as a definite sign that the Augmentin is working for Sweetie. I knew, going into this visit, that even though I had good things to report, we'd still be looking at about a month more on the meds. I was wrong. Good news = two more months on this antibiotic! I guess, the point being, now that we know this is the right antibiotic for her at the right dosage, and we can finally see some definite improvement, we need to give it a couple more months to really do its thing of killing off as much of the Lyme as possible.

Okay, then. Summer #2 of medicated Sweetie. We can do this!

And when those two months have passed, it'll be on to the herbal supplement portion of our program. Stay tuned...

So. Sweetie is on an upswing. Yay! In other news, we spent Father's Day Sunday at... wait for it... urgent care. Waiting to see the doctor, reporting flu-like symptoms that had been smoldering for Hubby and finally came to a head Saturday evening, and a strange rash that had appeared opposite from where he was bit by the tick just over 2 weeks prior.

Classic symptoms. Classic timing. Seemingly classic case of Lyme Disease. 3 weeks of Doxycycline was prescribed (I got it pushed to 4 weeks), labs were drawn (for Lyme and 3 other co-infections, as well as a blood count), and the rest of Father's Day included plenty of rest and quiet time for Hubby as he willed himself to feel better. Not quite the Father's Day he, or we, were wanting, but good to get some answers.

He's back to work today, after spending yesterday at home sleeping and gaining back strength and an interest in eating. By last night he was much more like himself. I'm glad he's back to work, but really hoping he takes it easy today and is truly feeling much better soon.

Even though we are bummed to get this diagnosis (well, technically, we don't yet have the lab results, so no official diagnosis yet. But, as I said, the doctor and we agree that it sure does seem like Lyme), we feel lucky that, this time around, we knew when he was bit and what to watch for for symptoms. Sweetie got the flu symptoms last year, but we were nowhere near as Lyme-savvy as we are now, so didn't even consider that she was experiencing anything other than the flu. It wasn't until 2 or 3 weeks beyond that that we finally figured her lingering headaches were fishy and took her in to see the doctor.

So, Hubby will be okay. We caught this early enough for him and got him the treatment he needs to kick this Lyme to the curb. He and Sweetie will be sharing probiotics for awhile, and reminding each other to take their medicine. What a fun father/daughter bonding experience! (ha!) But, in the end, he'll be just fine.

And Sweetie? Yeah, she'll be okay too. It's a tougher road for her. A long, winding road that seems to be smooth for now. Time will only tell if we'll run into anymore obstacles along her journey or not. Something tells me, despite her improvement, we still have twists and turns to discover. But, yeah. Through it all, she'll be okay too. She'll be just fine.

She'll be great.

Energy Boost

I have good things to report about Sweetie! But first, a word on our Hubby Watch, 2012...

As noted in my previous post, Hubby was bit by a tick a little more than a week ago, just before we were off on a weekend away, and after normal office hours for his (not Lyme literate) doctor.

We chose to just watch for any symptoms of Lyme with him - the bullseye rash, flu-like symptoms, etc.

So far, so good. He happens to be experiencing allergic symptoms to the pollen in the air. That, or a mild cold - nasal drip, slight headache. And he keeps asking me if these are "flu-like symptoms." No. You'll know if you're brought down by flu symptoms, trust me. You won't have to ask if that's what's going on.

We are also going to get Hubby tested for Lyme, as a matter of course. One lab tech I spoke with offered that this should be done 2 weeks after the bite. Now today I read, via a friend's friend, that antibodies won't be registered on a test until 3 or 4 weeks afterwards - which is "too late" in the game, if you are infected, for antibiotics to be completely effective. I think we'll try for the just-more-than-two-weeks testing, anyway. With all the hiking and outdoor activity Hubby's been involved in over the last few years, he is at a higher risk for Lyme, even without this known recent bite.

So, there's that. We will keep you all posted...

Now, back to Sweetie...

She is currently finishing up her 11th week on antibiotics. Almost 3 full months on Augmentin. And Hubby and I can honestly say that within the last couple weeks we have seen a definite boost in her energy level.

It should also be pointed out that the last couple of weeks here have been uber busy, what with our move, a long road trip to a family wedding, birthday parties, and the end of the school year. So, if anything, you may think that Sweetie - heck! all of us! - should be way more wiped out than we normally are. But no. Not for Sweetie, anyway. She has been chatty and none-stop moving... just like she used to be!

Man! I forgot how annoying she can be!

(Kidding! I kid!)

But seriously... from her non-stop dancing at the wedding, to dinnertime conversations where she talks, talks, talks, talks, talks, to her "cuddling" up with us on the couch/can't stop moving even though she's trying to relax with us, it's all adding up to one Sweetie full of energy! And we love to see it!

Now that she's like this again - how she used to be - it really goes to show us how non-energetic she had become. No, at the time it didn't seem like she was way low key either. Just kind of consistently mellow, really. But, as compared to now - and now that we're reminded of it, before - we can really see the difference.

Does she still look tired? Yes. A little pale? Yeah, I think a bit. Did she have to miss some school a couple weeks ago due to not feeling well (Lyme related/Herxing/crazy life/bad eating results). Yes. So we still have a ways to go, I'm thinking. But for now, it sure is good to see this glimpse of a return of our Sweet girl.

And now for my latest concern with her: She was going to go jump rope the other day, but then changed her mind, saying out loud (mostly to herself) that she'd rather not do that because her elbow pits hurt a bit.

Hmmmm... elbow pits = joint pain. Joint pain = Lyme symptom. A Lyme symptom she's never mentioned before (and, had I not been close enough to hear her talking to herself, I'd still not know about.) I've been asking her ever since how her elbows feel. Last check, yesterday (trying really hard not to be obsessive with my asking!), they still hurt. Hmmmmm....

Lyme. It's a process, for sure, to get it under control. Her next doctor's appointment is next week. Curious to see what the next step in our process will be.