Don't Forget to Worry!

Ha! Telling me don't forget to worry is like telling Katy Perry don't forget to wear her spinning peppermint bra.

That said... huh... I kind of did stop worrying about Sweetie.

She's been good! She's been energetic. She's been squirmy, hyper, talkative and crazy. She's been herself. What a wonderful sight to see!

So, Sweetie's back to herself and... I'm sorry to say our "restricted diet" for Sweetie (no grains, no sugars) has, in many ways, slipped back to its old self as well. Not that we were ever bad eaters! Many of Sweetie's favorite foods are fruits and veggies, and she counts fish and a certain tahini veggie stir fry dish we make as some of her very favorite foods. And she's not really a snacker. But still...

We're running low on groceries, can't get to the store, and find that we still have some pasta in our pantry. Eh, let's have that. Look at that! Sweetie did fine!... Wow, it's hot! Sun tea time of year. Sweetie loves sun tea! A spoonful of sugar isn't so bad to add to that... Now we have a family gathering to attend. A buffet. Well, just do the best you can. You really want that roll, huh? Yeah, sure. I guess. And, she's fine... Well, we had pasta last week and nothing bad happened. We're home late and that's an easy dinner. Let's do it again. Well, that went well enough... Friends are coming over and the easiest thing to feed them is to order pizza. Eat the pizza, it's okay for today. But we really do need to get you back to your good diet.

Not to mention Hubby... remember Hubby?... and his diagnosis of Lyme in mid-June. A diagnosis that landed him a 28 day course of doxycycline. A premature diagnosis that, when the blood test came back, proved "wrong," in that the Lyme test was negative. Ha! Those silly Lyme tests and their bad rep for false responses. At least the doctor recognized this and suggested that, if the doxy was helping to make Hubby feel better, he should consider staying on the antibiotics for the full course. Yes, I said. You will be staying on the doxy. No doubt about that. BUT... the doxy, it made him nauseous. Almost constantly queazy. And so, his response... soda. Soda every day. A lot. It settles the stomach, don't you know. Yeah, but... I'm pretty sure soda is no way, no how even remotely allowed to be anywhere near our "no sugars" diet. By a long shot! Yeah, but... the tummy, it turns. A lot.

And so, Hubby slipped. Sweetie slipped. I slipped. We are a very slippery family, we are. But, no... it is not a good thing, for any of us.

And, like I said, we really do have to get you, Sweetie, back to your good diet. You've been good so far with the bad things you've eaten recently. But you've been lucky. You never know when something could bother you again. You've been feeling good... we've gotta keep you that way!

But, then again, Hubby's working really late tonight. I've got to feed you dinner. There's the last of this left over pizza here. Can you eat 3 pieces of the small cheese? That's a lot for you... Okay, here it is... Good! It's gone.

A few hours later... Sweetie's laying on me calmly as we watch TV. None of her usual fidgeting, chatting or craziness. And she seems to be covertly holding her tummy... She wants to go to bed before one of her favorite stay-up-late TV show treats is over.... She selects Love Bug from her stuffed animal collection to sleep with, a friend I know she only chooses when she's not feeling well.

What's the matter, Sweetie? Are you feeling okay?

(nothing)

What's wrong? Does your stomach hurt?

(nod of the head)

It feels like I either should get up and do something really active, or I'm really hungry.

(????)

Okay, so I didn't quite understand her explanation of how her stomach felt, but I completely understood why her stomach would be bothering her. Oh, yeah! You have Lyme! Your stomach bothering you is your Lyme "thing." I remember this! You're getting better, but doggone it if the Lyme most likely is still with you. At least a little bit. As we've learned, Lyme - once it's late state - is incredibly tricky, if not impossible, to rid from the body completely. And, you ate that pizza tonight. And all the other junk in the last weeks. And you really need to be eating well. No grains. No sugars. This is our big reminder.

This is what I forgot. Or almost forgot. I needed this reminder. Sweetie needed this reminder. Ever vigilant is how we must remain.

Vigilant. That's a good word. Not this worrying crap. I don't need to worry. Not about this, anyway. Let me tell you, I have a whole boat load of other issues I can spend my time worrying about, don't you worry. Not for me, anyway. I am a worrying pro!

But not about this. No need to worry about her. I just need to remember to stay vigilant. Remember that she's doing so well because we're doing so well! Never forgetting her antibiotics or probiotics. And maintaining a healthy, anti-inflammatory diet for her.

For the most part. Oops.

It's been great to have Sweetie back. We're back to the healthy kid she'd always been. Or, at least - for all outward appearances - she seems healthy. But the truth is, the Lyme is always there, lurking. She can keep it well enough at bay. She can truly feel back to her old self again for extended periods of time. She just has to work a little harder, eat a little better, to strengthen her healthiness and weaken the Lyme.

Sweetie's body is her house. And you, Mr. Lyme/Mr. Neighbor, are to stay out of her yard and mind your own business! You don't worry about Sweetie, and we won't worry about you.

But don't you forget, we're watching you!

Wading Through The Weeds

Sweetie has been doing a lot of wishing lately.

Wishing there was nothing in the world to make people sad, only wanting happiness.

Wishing there was nothing in the world to make people hurt and in pain.

Wishing there was something that would automatically weed the garden so she didn't have to do such a boring, hot and sweaty job herself.

Well, I don't know about the weeding aspect of her recent dreamings. But as for her other wishes, I had to point some things out to her. 

I explained how she only knows what happiness feels like because she's felt so sad at times. And she knows how great it is to be free of pain, injury and suffering because she's had a few accidental incidences of being injured and in pain. 

I just finished reading a novel that smatters it's pages with various Yiddish folklore and cultural beliefs. The book ends with the story of a child yet to be born. In the Yiddish culture, it is believed that unborn babies live in paradise and are taught all about everything - history, culture, art, their families, everything. They eat art, drink books, and bathe in emotions. Then, just before they're born, they are smacked on the nose and sent to their parents - without any memory of the paradise they came from nor what they learned. It it within your life on earth that you regain what you can of your previous knowledge and truly come to appreciate the beauty and abundance the physical world has to offer. 

I loved this story. Particularly the part where the unborn child was spending his days bathing in Love. He, and the other unborns, loved their Love Baths and never wished to leave them. Then the guardian of the unborn child - a family member who had lived his physical life and was now aiding future family members before their births - made him bathe in the other waters. The sulfurous baths of Envy and Hate, the cold baths of Loneliness and the smothering waters of Depression, to name just a few. Then, after all that, the unborn was taken back to the bath of Love. Oh, how much more lovely this felt now, after knowing how the others felt by contrast! What a better appreciation of love!

I read this story just today. It was a week or two ago - well, it's been "wishes" here and there for awhile now - where I suggested to Sweetie that she only knew the one emotion because she had felt their opposites. Imagine! Everyone walking around happy all the time! But would they really be happy? How would they know they're happy if they didn't have sadness and pain as a contrast? You can't appreciate how great it is to feel so good if you haven't been on the other end of the spectrum, now can you? 

So, I'm sorry, Sweetie, that sometimes we take you away from things that make you so happy. I'm sorry that accidents occur and you fall down and scrape your knee or cut your hand. I'm so sorry that sometimes you just feel so sick and that a teeny tiny little bug has done its worst to you, making you now feel yucky and causing you to be on lots of medicine for a long time. I really think it's awful that nightmares creep into your dreams every once in awhile, waking you from your sleep and making it difficult for you to go back to bed and scared as you lie there wishing for the bad memories to leave you alone. I'm sorry that people we love have to die, have to leave this world as we know it. Yes, we will miss them. It's true, it will certainly be sad that we can't have new experiences with them, no more memories in the making. 

But oh how glad am I that you know such great joy, peace and happiness in this world! You know what it feels like to be truly, deliciously happy. You have no doubt at all about the love Daddy and I - all your family and friends! - feel for you, and you love us with such big, deep love right back. You see such goodness in people. You look out for the lonely, the different, and you take them under your wing. You create and play and try and try again - even though you know there's a risk you may fall. I love that you see our lost loved ones in the butterflies that flutter by and you can readily recognize that they are, truly, never gone from us as long as we remember them. Lost loved ones are still here, you say - just in a different way. I love your positive outlook on life and the strength you have, personally, to get through all the harder, yuckier times. You know they are temporary. You know life is much more happy than sad, more pain-free than full of suffering. And, most of all, you know exactly who you are and will not let anyone tell you how to play, how to feel, or what to think. You are plenty capable of making up your own mind and not worrying about what others think of that. 

You are, for the most part, so so happy. 

And I'm sorry - (but I'm not) - that you recognize just how happy, loved and great you are because you have also felt the other side.

It's a hard truth in this world. But it's a wonderful truth - don't you think? I for one hope to learn more from you, Sweetie. Appreciate the good, the love, the happy - for we know all too well that the sad, the suffering, the pain can creep in at any time.

And weeds. Lots and lots of weeds.